Surrogacy Success!

I think there is a misconception about surrogacy success.  It is my personal opinion that surrogacy success does not necessarily mean that the Intended Parents (IPs) ended their journey with a baby.

I am fully aware that this is the goal; that this is the overall objective.  However, there is absolutely no possible way to guarantee this outcome each and every time.

That means we need to define "success" in the context of a surrogacy journey.  "Success" is defined by Dictionary.com as "the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one's goals".  That definition would lead me back to saying a "successful" journey is one where the IPs go home with a baby.  So, I guess we need to re-define "success".

A surrogacy journey has multiple diverse moving parts.  And the job of a surrogacy coordinator is to make sure that these multiple diverse moving parts function in harmony.  As surrogacy coordinators, we are responsible for making sure that the parts of the process fit together well.  As surrogacy coordinators, we are responsible for making sure that we utilize the best parts available.  It is our responsibility to make sure that the parts are reliable, state-of-the-art, relevant and optimal.

When Joey and I began the process of creating IPC, we came to a fork in the road.  We were in a situation where the surrogacy facilitator that we had been involved with personally and professionally (PlanteHospital.com, LLC) was doing things in an extremely unprofessional, unethical and illegal manner.  But we had a pregnant surrogate.  So our choice was to blow the whistle and warn all of the other PH IPs so that they could take action that was appropriate to protect themselves at the risk of our own surrogacy journey or keep quiet and protect our surrogacy arrangement at the enormous expense of the hopes and dreams of the other IPs.

We made the choice to "blow the whistle" and although that was really stressful, I have never been sorry!

And we have learned that "surrogacy success" does not mean a "take home baby".

Here is the most extreme example that I know of (and these IPs have graciously given me permission to share their story)...

So they went to India and used the facilitator mentioned above.  They ended up with a pregnant surrogate who delivered a healthy baby girl. They paid all of their fees on time and participated in the process all along the way to the best of their ability.  But when they arrived in India for baby pick up, they discovered the surrogacy contracts were not in order (as they had paid for and been told).  So as they stood in the hospital hallway on one side of the door listening to their little girl cry and scream, they were unable to comfort or assist her because their facilitator had not fully performed their duty.  They did not have the appropriate paperwork.  They were not allowed to care for their little girl.  They ended up paying twice (and actually, maybe even three times - I'm not sure) for the appropriate surrogacy contracts to be created and approved before they were allowed access to their little girl.  So you see...just the fact that they were blessed with a precious baby girl doesn't mean that their surrogacy journey was a "success".

At IPC we are going to define surrogacy success as this:  Complete and honest communication at every stage of the process.  Prompt and timely response to each and every request for information/service.  And utilization of the most state-of-the-art technology in order to ensure that each IP knows that they had the 'best shot'.  We define success as knowing that each of our clients were given the most perfect opportunity possible to conceive a child and begin their family.

And at that point, when we hand it over to God or Mother Nature, we then accept the role of messenger...delivering the news of the final result, knowing we did everything in our ability to optimize the outcome...

A little about Me and Surrogacy

Welcome to the blog for our new business venture IP Conceptions LLC.  It is my hope and intention to share everything "surrogacy" through this outlet.  I'm not an experienced blogger.  I have a personal blog and I've only published a handful of posts so this will definitely be a learning experience.  I'll try to post often.  I'll try to post interesting surrogacy information.  Once I figure out how to attach pictures, I'll share those with you too.  I'll tell you about our visits to Mexico and our trips to meet our clients.  I'll talk about our process and share updates and changes.  I'll chat about our community and the latest news.  I'll do my best to make this an entertaining and interesting space.  But I think what I will probably end up doing most of the time is share me.  I'll tell you what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling and what I'm doing as I operate and grow our surrogacy service.  

Surrogacy is personal.  It's probably one of the most personal journeys one could ever decide to take.  And by the time most of us made the decision to take this personal journey, we did so because surrogacy because was just about the only thing left.  

We came to surrogacy after encountering a lot of failure.  We chose surrogacy after years of disappointment.  We elected to proceed with surrogacy after exploring every other option.  We chose surrogacy because it was choose surrogacy or choose nothing.  We all came to surrogacy for different reasons and we all came to surrogacy for many of the same reasons. When we finally made the decision to use surrogacy as the means to create our family, we did so because we believed this was an option where our most heartfelt and sacred hopes and dreams would be respected and protected.  

Surrogacy is a journey.  It takes time and patience.  There are times that you are in control of how quickly things move forward but there are other times when the speed of the journey is out of your hands.  It takes planning and organization.  This is a time sensitive, liner process. Planning is important; steps need to be taken in order and the components should be compatible with each other.  Organization is key.  Just as on any journey, you should know where you are at any given moment and where you are headed as you travel forward.  This is a journey that has the potential to impact the rest of your life; one that you will remember forever.  It should be a journey that you enjoy.   And I believe the key to enjoying the journey is expectation, realistic expectation.  When you know what to expect, you are positive, relaxed and can allow yourself to be hopeful.  One way to develop a set of realistic expectations is through education. Talk to other IPs.  Read.  Ask questions.  Research. Visit.  Ask more questions.  Take notes.  Attend conferences.  Join groups.  Take whatever action necessary to obtain the information that is important to you.  And after you have done all of that, ask some more questions.  

Surrogacy is a community.  My husband and I not only own and operate this business but we are also IPs using international surrogacy in Mexico to start our own family.  Unfortunately, our introduction to the world of international surrogacy was an unmitigated disaster, so catastrophic that we could have easily packed up our hopes and dreams and closed the door on haveing a family of our own forever.  Instead of doing that, we set up shop right in the center of the surrogacy world with our hopes and dreams on display for all to see.  The reason we were able to turn that horrible experience into something wonderful; the reason we aren't afraid to keep dreaming; the reason we are still filled with hope - the surrogacy community.  I have met the most incredible people while doing surrogacy.  This community is friendly.  This community is supportive.  This community is generous.  This community is compassionate.  This community is filled with people that share experiences; they know how you feel; they get it.  The people in this community believed in me and in my dreams when I didn't even believe in myself.  The people in this community have loved me, have cried with me, have educated me.  The people in this community have encouraged me, they have trusted me; they have been honest with me.  This community is filled with people that truly want you to realize your dreams; it's filled with people eager to help you do that; people that have gone before you - this community is filled with hope. The surrogacy community is definitely the best part of this journey.  I am honored to be a member and I am grateful that I have the opportunity to contribute something that will benefit this community.  I am blessed to be able to give back.